Righto so I've been thinking, pondering, stewing and tied up in knots of late...was I meant to zig or zag?? I jumped into markets with great gusto, overflowing with enthusiasm and, in what some would call a manic pursuit, I was chasing down the dream. In case you have momentarily forgotten, the dream for me is a craft hub full of delicious fabrics and notions, good coffee, classes and workspaces for anyone's use, creating communities that connect through the therapy of creativity, providing guidance and ideas, information and sources. It is a grand dream to be sure but I can almost touch it, that is how real it is in my heart.
So in true Kelly style I threw myself into what I believed to be the right step towards the dream given what I was working with. I work full time as an accountant which is not exactly what I would call a stress free job, I am also a Mum to three daughters and a wife and in any spare minute I was throwing myself, with reckless abandon, into the markets that were going to bring the funds to import my first lot of fabric. Housework was on the back burner (although some would say it's never really at the front!) and so too were the kids, my husband and myself.
A few months down the track I was feeling worn out, discouraged and I will admit a little broken, limping from market to market as the realities of trying to do it all were crowding in around me. So yesterday my Mum came for a spontaneous visit and it was just what this girl needed - Mum's are awesome! I laid out all my concerns, my conflicting ideas and confusions, my heart felt desires to chase the dream and at the same time be here with my family and in the talking, as so often happens, the answer was there. Ever so patiently, asking the right questions my Mum listened as I spewed out the jumble in my heart and mind and in amongst the mess was the answer that had been in my heart all along. It was time to zag!
I was missing my family, I was missing the down time and I was missing just being me. I have three short years until my eldest will be ready to fly from the nest and then a short two years after that the second will. Our family life will change, which is natural and the way it should be. But what it comes down to for me is that at the end will I regret not having the craft hub or will I regret not squeezing the most from family life before it is changed forever...the answer for me was very clear. I needed to stop the markets for now...not forever and who knows if there will be more in my future but for now the large part of my heart that was changed forever the day I met these beautiful souls wants to be here..with them.
The red delicious journey is far from over, in fact it is only just beginning. Knowing who I am, my limitations as well as my strengths, remembering and soaking in what the most important things in my world are, having a peace of heart and soul and allowing myself time to breathe and be me...that is my biggest journey! I want, with everything in me, for the craft hub to be a reality, but it comes down to timing and for me the time is not just yet. The cost of missing being part of this family is not a price I am willing to pay for what, at the end of the day, is a thing.
My sister posted this awesome Tony Robbins YouTube video talking about success...I was skeptical thinking yeah yeah what are you going to tell me about success, try harder, work more, give up more yarda yarda yarda. But no it was just what this girl needed to hear...success isn't things be they careers or material possessions...success is progress! Music to my ears...freedom!! Success is progress! It makes such perfect sense...success is growth, learning, development and progress. For me, identifying when to stop the manic and make the wise decision not based on things is progress....so yesterday I decided to zag not based off things but based off listening to my heart and making the wise choice for the present time and for me that is progress...for me that is success!
Take care and till then
