For me 2015 has been a hard year...for quite a few reasons...but the beauty of hard is the gold that comes out the other side. Having been through 'hard' a few times in my life I now know that while I may buck, cry and protest against the hard and give into the thoughts that it may break me, in my soul I know that there is gold coming and I just need to hang on, to learn and to grow. It's painful and some days I don't want to grow or learn but instead curl up in my bed, feel sorry for myself and stagnate so on those days I let myself. But I also know that I can't stay there for long or the very life that courses through my veins, the hope, dreams and strength starts to die and then all those hard times will be for nothing. So I allow myself a small break and then tell myself to get up and keep fighting. This comes from my mother by both nature and nuture. My mother role modelled to me every day of my childhood that when life knocks you on your rear end you take a breath and get back up...and so we do. I will be forever grateful to my Mum for instilling this into my very core and for getting up every day and fighting and not giving up, for choosing to see good in amongst the crap, for teaching us the things in life that really hold true value which are by no means material possessions bought with money, but they are the rubies and gold worth fighting to hold on to.
So with all that said 2015 for me has been a year of growing my patience, learning to find happiness in the small things not my circumstances and learning that security is a fluid illusion so not to stake my sense of self in that sinking sand - and that right there is my gold from 2015.
With these great big frustrating stumbling blocks in mind, 2016 for me is going to be about having a voice. Now I don't mean having a voice in a selfish and unkind way as I still believe kindness is a life key and is incredibly important to the human race. But rather that having a voice and setting boundaries is being kind to others by not getting myself into situations where I resent them and doing things out of contemptuous obligation rather than honest willingness. I am responsible for setting my own boundaries, not assuming that others will read my mind and just know...so that is the quest for 2016.
A couple of years ago after some pondering I decided upon the three things that were most important to me and my journey - be kind, have courage and live truth. These three things are what I strive for, in my relationships, in my parenting, in my interactions with family and friends and in my decision making...it's not always achieved that's for damn sure, but I do try. So my quest for 2016 embodies all three aspects of what I hold important for my journey, as I am not living truth, being courageous or being kind when I am not honest about my own boundaries with those I love. So time to take it up a notch and stretch the old tent pegs.
And my final thought for 2016 is inspired by the an Oprah interview a few weeks ago and the one line she said that resonated in my soul and has been at the forefront of my mind ever since - 'our legacy is every life we touch' - that concept is so powerful, inspirational, motivational and freeing! It changes my view on everything - the difference we bring to this world does not depend on what we do or what we have but on the lives that we touch every day!
Bring on the new year, bring on the new growth and bring on the new gold!!
HAPPY NEW YEAR