the journey...

The journey - doesn't that just sound so delicious, full of intrigue, mystery, heartbreak and happiness? Can't you just hear the emotive background music swelling as the camera swoops in to see a profile of my face looking determined yet deep, my hair softly stirring as a gentle breeze embraces me, staring into distance at the mountain range that lies ahead, symbolising challenges and triumph, as I am about to embark on the trip of a lifetime??  Do I watch too much TV - eh maybe but I love it so I'm going with that!  Although I did read the other day on a post that someone kindly put on facebook the things that successful people do with the flip side list for those not quite so successful and guess which side TV watching was on - yep the unsuccessful list!  There was a moments pause pondering if it was something I could look to give up in the quest for success....only took a few seconds, TV and me - friends for life!!

Anyway onwards and upwards and back to my journey.  So I am 'fit and healthy' challenged with a whole lot of extra loving, too much for one person really.  I guess you could say that I am one of those people that is wearing their 'issues' on the outside.  Very easy for others to see and much like parenting every Tom, Dick and Harry feels the need to give advice or bring 'lite' food options when coming for a visit under the guise of being helpful.  Let me tell you right now on behalf of all of us who carry our struggles for all to see, if we haven't asked for advice, tips, guidance and we haven't asked for 'lite' food to be on the menu then just don't do it!  Unless we can bring a counsellor to our next get together to go over your issues which while they may not be on the outside like mine, we all know they are there!  And like Katniss Everdeen I feel the sudden urge to salute mankind - salute our togetherness in this thing called life, staunch and brave but connected by our flaws and struggles...cue dramatic music...man I wish life came with a sound track, the music always makes the moments!

That is the beauty of the journey and humans really - we are all flawed yet amazing, we all have strengths and weaknesses, we all have raw and healed, we all have ugly and breathtaking and there is always someone somewhere who understands and has experienced the struggles you have and are facing.  It constantly amazes me, the more you live your truth, ugly and all, doing the journey and being honest about the process, the more you connect with others.  There is nothing as amazing as connecting, truly connecting with another person, being heard and seen, belonging and feeling understood - best feeling in the world!

Boy do I digress!  So I am nearing 38 and I find that the lack of care for my body over the last 20 years is catching up on me big time.  I am suffering from tennis and golfers elbow in both arms which leaves my arms weak and some days very sore, I have knee issues, shoulder blade issues and archilles issues.  I am the type of person who has always been all in or not at all, a 'rush pants gung ho' type, a 'if I can't do it right straight away then I'm not interested' type and consequently I have always been blase about stretching and caring for my muscles.  After months of no activity, carrying extra weight and eating too much chocolate, I would decide to go for a run because who really wants to walk, it's far too slow and beginner like!  And for the most part this was fine when I was younger and the old body bounced back and coped but now, well... now I have knots and so many tight unhappy muscles they are all protesting and I am feeling weak and old before my time.  And then I saw this video clip...

...every time I watch this I feel horrified, inspired, terrified and amazed!!  Uncomfortable yet intrigued - very confusing!  Then the other day the girls were doing that thing where you hold your legs up in the air with your butt right off the ground and it brought back fond memories of when I was a kid and did the exact same thing.  Now, I'm still pretty flexible so I should have this right, I mean last year I surprised my children and husband by pulling out cartwheels when the youngest was learning, I still sit cross legged on the ground like a 7 year old, yeah I got this....very very wrong!!!  Here are the girls doing this......

and then here is me...I could not even get my butt off the ground!  I was...speechless!!  And this only served to reinforce to me that it was time to get strong!

So not one to sit around too long feeling sorry for myself I have a new plan, a new stage in the journey and a new challenge.  Sure weight loss would be great but what I really want is to be fit and strong.  Because as I have found lately, when the body starts losing it strength and you start to feel weakness taking over, it impacts on your emotional and mental strength at the same time.  I have always considered myself to be a strong person in a holistic sense, emotional but strong, well lately I have let the injuries I am dealing with get on top of me and I have been giving way to defeat and hopelessness.  But also being a person who believes there is always a way forward, who likes to find solutions, a plan was bound to emerge.

So the plan is to let this journey not be about a number, I will not be weighing myself (which isn't really an option as my scales are broken anyway!!), to take one step at a time and to move forward, no matter how small the step as long as it's forward, towards being strong, fit and healthy.  I plan to have two goals every couple of weeks (some will be small while others will be bigger) that are geared at permanent changes to build on and I am going to share them here on my blog when I set new ones with a bit of a progress report.  I'm doing this so that I am accountable, it is easy to give up when no one is watching and trust me that has been my thing for quite some time when it comes to this particular area of my life.

Right so this being my first week my two goals are...

1. exercise for at least 30 minutes every day and for now that is walking and that is OK with me

2. no blocks of chocolate or chocolate bars - I've had enough to last me a lifetime!


Progress report so far (day three of first week)...
wind oh how you humble me, stepping out in my baggy 'exercise' t-shirt feeling as good as I can thinking my lumps and bumps are away from the public eye, that is until I hit the main road and suddenly I have entered a wind tunnel and my once baggy t-shirt, friend of the size challenged, is now a lycra sports suit and all can see that yes my sports bra is a little on the small side and yes I have back rolls and a tummy that is rivaling my boobs in the who is bigger contest!!  Chin up, head high at least you're out here right, yes damn straight!  Now to just pull down the shorts that my inner thighs seem to have a hungry appetite for as they gobble them up with each step - thank goodness for tights underneath is all I can say!  On the plus I have noticed houses I never saw before and seen many beautiful flowers and plants that normally don't even register.  There is something really refreshing about getting out in the fresh air, moving and actually seeing the world up close and personal.  And on that note I will end this epistle with some images of flowers I have stopped to admire along the way...just so pretty!

Take care and till then