How is it that you can feel two completely opposite feelings at the same time?? Time feels like it is flying by with these children of mine but at the same time I feel as though they have been sharing this journey with me forever.
It seems like just yesterday I was a baby having a baby but all the time thinking I was so grown up. I remember the sheer panic on my first night with my first born and suddenly realising that I was responsible for her start in this world and I didn't even know what I was doing with my own life let alone how to raise her.
Then it was only a short 18 months later that we were welcoming another little life into the world and those were some hard days to be sure. It was all such a blur in so many ways and I didn't spend much time enjoying the journey in those days which makes me feel a little sad about the missed opportunities but I guess everyone with toddlers and babies can relate to that. Starting out on the parenthood journey so young and having my first two so close together I just had no concept of enjoying the ride and counted the minutes until afternoon sleep time and 7pm at night when peace would reign and I could do what I wanted to not what I had to...remember I was young!
With a bit of a gap and life starting to get a little easier to manage we made the decision to add one more to our little family and she made it complete. This was definitely a different experience to having two close together. For the first two children it was what felt like years of poo, snot, tantrums, day sleeps, cut up apples, High 5 episodes and early starts to my days so I was in the zone and it just kept going for what felt like forever. By the time the third little one came along I was out the other side of my toilet training days and discovering some freedom from all the poo and snot. It was a very weird feeling to find myself back to changing nappies and broken sleep and I must admit I felt somewhat of a beginner all over again. How quickly we forget! But I must say being a little older and dare I say it, a little wiser, I had learnt a little about enjoying the journey and the moments it brings and there were some very precious times.
So with these girls of mine I feel as though our souls and hearts have been connected for all eternity and I can barely remember my days before they were part of it but at the same time I can't believe that in three short years our eldest will have finished school, will officially be an adult and will be venturing out on her own journey in this world.
I love watching and being part of their growth, even though it is painful at times for all involved and the thought of running away is sometimes, I will admit, appealing. Ultimately, I feel privileged to get to see these little babies of mine become women with their own minds, opinions (of which there are plenty!), beliefs, qualities, strengths, struggles, passions, relationships and hearts.
Looking over these photos almost doesn't make sense and it seems hard to comprehend the mix of emotions and feelings I have. Each photo takes me straight back to that time and it was as though it is yesterday but then I look at the most recent ones and it just can't be possible that these young ladies are my babies. My mind cannot comprehend but my heart falls more in love with them everyday and I feel honoured, blessed and humbled that they were given to me to share the journey with.
When we start out as parents we are concerned with all that we will teach our children but what I have come to realise is that parenthood is really about what our children will teach us.
Take care and till then
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